Going to bed angry is ok

So I love my husband all of the time.  100% of the time.  However, there are snippets of time that I want to punch my husband in the face.  There are probably more times than that where he feels the same way about me.  I know that I am a difficult spouse.  I still love him during those times but I might not like him very much.  I think that happens with any marriage, right?  Hopefully, you're saying yes, or else I seem like a jerk. 

Last night was one of those nights.  I will admit that I tend to get crankier and crankier as the week goes on because of lack of sleep and stress of my job.  I won't get into what specifically happened last night because I don't generally like to talk about my marriage problems publicly and partially because it was a stupid fight that didn't  mean anything.  It isn't an ongoing thing and it wasn't major. 

Common marriage advice from a long time ago was to never go to bed angry.  I don't know the exact justification behind this advice but I tend to follow exactly the opposite.  I would rather just go to bed and chill out and talk about it the next day then fight it out while it is happening.  Perhaps you aren't supposed to go to bed angry because you will forget about what happened or have a tendency to bury your emotions or something like that.  I think that you talk the next day or the next few days about the real issues and don't bring dumb emotions into the picture.  Chances are good that by the time that you talk to your partner about the fight that you are done with the initial anger/hurt/etc and you are able to just talk about the issues.  At least, this is what happens with me and Corry. 

Compared to the "average" couple, Corry and I rarely fight.  We have stupid arguments but in general we never fight.  Usually the next day one or both of us are over it and able to move on.  There are things that we both do that agitate the other one but we are able to talk through some of those issues like adults.  I still think that every so often we should be able to use those Sock 'em Bopper toys on each other to resolve fights.   There could be something said for that kind of physical release. 


If I had to give newlyweds one piece of advice it would be to not try to force other couple's relationship advice work for you.  Some couples remain together by being together all the time like these couples from my job.  They drive back and forth to work together, go to lunch together and work in similar departments.  I need a separation from my spouse in order to maintain that closeness.  I don't know if that makes sense but it makes sense to me.  I need a separate work life from my home life.  It's the same logic for why I think that I could never work from home full time.  What works for other couples doesn't have to work for you.  Make your own love rules. 

-Sara

A marriage reminder from an unlikely source

I don't plan to do this very often because I don't want to talk bad (publicly) about my husband's ex-wife but today I honestly couldn't help myself.  I am sure that at some point I will forget this rule but I would like to not talk about my husband's past life as a husband to someone else.  It should be pretty easy to do since we don't regularly communicate with her except about the children, however today was one of those random days when something so funny happens that you just can't help but talk about it.   

Today she shared the following picture on her Facebook wall:

 



This is instantly humorous to anyone who knows her because if you have ever met her and spent about 15 seconds with her you know that she is incapable of not violating all of these "rules" in any relationship.  She cheated on my husband for years before they were divorced and has cheated on almost every man that she has been with since they split up.  In fact, she is currently living with a guy while she is still married to another man.  Classy. 

As funny as this activity was today it did remind me that these "rules" are important and should be the groundwork to any good relationship.  Two of the five should be "duh" rules: stay faithful and don't flirt with others.  If you can't or don't want to follow these two rules then you have no business being married, at least in my opinion.  The others, I will be honest, require some work.  Not that I don't want to make my husband feel loved and wanted but I will admit that some days definitely require work.  Not because my husband is hard to love or difficult, but because I have a full time job and two small children and often times our marriage takes a backseat to all of that.  I don't want it to be like that but it's the one thing that I don't have to constantly babysit to make work, so often times I forget that it takes love and nurturing as well. 

Part of my resolutions for this year is definitely to rekindle #5.  We have talked a few times before about wanting to go on more dates with each other without kids.  One of the things that you don't think about when you have kids is that you will never eat normally until your children are about five years old, possibly later than that.  Once they can eat food(s) you have to spend the time ahead of time thinking about what they are going to eat related to what you are going to eat, or you have to think about what from an eating establishment that they are going to be able to eat.  Then you have to either feed it to them or figure out how to get it in a form that they can eat once it comes to the table; after you figure out how to re-arrange all of the nonsense from the table to where it isn't in any arms reach of either one of your children.  Why do servers insist on putting stuff in front of babies?  Ridiculous... Anyway, after enough days of that you realize that you need a break from that to just be a couple.  I am striving to do more of that this month. 

I say all of that to say that I love my husband.  I love him more than I ever thought that I could love someone in a relationship.  He is the love of my life and the father of my children and I will never love another person quite like him ever in my life. 

-Sara