You're on the list!

I had to wait to write this blog until I wasn't the least bit upset about anything because I didn't want it to turn into a blog of just straight blind hatred.  I have been working on it for a few nights now and I hope that it doesn't make me sound like a total rage-a-holic.  If it does, I will be expecting the men in white coats and padded cells to show up at work tomorrow for me.   

At work a few months ago we began talking about there being that one person (or a few people if you were me) that you would get rid of if you had the chance.  This isn't one of those things where you would call them up in the middle of the night and threaten them mob style with a decapitated horse's head in their bed or anything crazy.  Frankly, this is mostly just for your own personal satisfaction - kind of like when married people have a "cheat list" with celebrities.  You know that it wouldn't ever happen, but it's amusing to think about.   

This could be as simple as the person who constantly lets his dogs poop in your yard.  Or that person in front of you on the freeway who is going 49 in a 65 in the fast lane.  Or your husband's ex wife.  Or it could be as simple as the project leader who calls on you to explain an issue that you raised during a meeting.  Can't he see that you are busy buying stuff on eBay on your iPhone?   

To further this idea, it was decided that there should be a warning to someone who was either on the list or in jeopardy of being on the list.  I guess, in case that person cared about attempting to stay on your good side.  'You're on the list!' became the afore mentioned warning.  It sounds grim and borderline inappropriate, but trust me, with some people it's totally necessary. 

I will admit that the majority of the time when I use that phrase is at work to avoid having an adult sized temper tantrum.  I used to smoke cigarettes and that was my release.  Anytime that someone or something upset me I would go downstairs, smoke, gossip about the new couple at work, and feel better.  Then I quit.  What was I supposed to do with all this pent up rage that isn't expelled anymore with the nicotine and 10,000 other harmful chemicals... Now I use humor; sometimes dark, but always funny.  Enter the warning.  The warning, at that point, is more reassurance for me instead of a serious warning for the other person.

Close your eyes, count to 10 and whisper 'You're on the list'...

Resolution #1: Have more patience today than I did yesterday

Patience can be defined, after a simple Google search as, "The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."  It sounds simple, right?  But it's not.  At least not for me.  I am, by my nature, not the *most* impatient person in the world... however that person would look at me sometimes and go "Damn, can she just chill?" 

I have read books on how to be more patient.  I know my triggers.  And yet, I have been unable to change in previous years.  Before kids and marriage, I never really cared that I wasn't patient.  Part of that impatience is useful at my job because I can accomplish tasks faster and since a lot of my job doesn't rely on actions of others than it isn't necessary to show my most patient self.  At home, my dogs didn't care that I wasn't the most patient of people... they loved me anyways.  Now, since getting married and especially since having kids, I feel like it is more important than ever for me to have more patience.  My husband deserves for me to be chill and not be so upset when things don't exactly go my way immediately.  My kids deserve for me to let them play as loud as they want or do something wrong multiple times before figuring out the best way to accomplish a task.  I owe that to them. 

I understand that this resolution is probably considered cheating since there is really no measurable goal.  There is no way to qualify or quantify the results that I will get from this resolution.  Strike that... my happiness, my children's happiness, and my husband's happiness will be the proof that this resolution is in the process of being accomplished.  But it will be a work in progress.  It IS a work in progress. 

So how will I work through this resolution?  Some people would suggest deep breathing... some would suggest counting to 10.  I have a different idea... During my preparation for my two labors, I learned from multiple sources the importance of using affirmations and belief suggestions to remind your brain that you could accomplish a certain task (delivering a healthy baby as naturally as possible in that case.)  I will utilize that same philosophy here.  I wasn't sure of what I was going to use until I was typing this post.  As I have been writing "slow to anger" has continually popped up into my head.  I will take this as a hint from God that I should use that.  I will use that belief suggestion to remind myself of this resolution anytime that I feel myself getting out of control. 

I am using this as a note and a reminder to follow up in March with how these resolutions are going.  Until then wish me luck that a more patient me emerges starting today.