Every married man has been there. You are thinking about something completely different while your wife is talking and you utter a comment in response to something that she said. As soon as you let it leave your lips your brain struggles desperately to pull it back. At this point, if your tongue could leap out of your mouth and reel that comment back in like a fishing line it would. As soon as you hear what you said you are instantly dreading ever even opening your mouth, because you know that "the Look" that you are about to get from your wife is going to be a cross between “I want to murder you.” and “You are the most stupid man ever.”
Let’s say that up until this point you have been very lucky and have never seen "the Look", or you are just not paying attention and have never noticed "the Look". Below are three things that you should never in a million years say to your wife. Ever.
Are you going to wear *that*?
This is destined for disaster. As a woman, if our husband asks us this, we are automatically thinking that he means that we look awful, that it shows off that one part of our body that we hate the most, etc. This one question is guaranteed to set off a barrage of other follow-up questions about the location, the other people there, what they will be wearing, how we look, how our butt looks, if you think that we look that bad then why didn’t you say something earlier, etc. Unless you are prepared for something in the neighborhood of 30 minutes of questions related to “Are you going to wear that?” then maybe you should pick a different question. A man might not even be saying anything bad; he might just be asking if we are ready to go and chosen the wrong wording at the wrong time. Either way you are headed towards a black hole that you would never be able to recover from. More appropriate questions would be “Are you ready to go?” or comments like “You look nice in that outfit – it really shows off (fill in comment re: one of the parts of her body that she likes).” Odds are good a woman has already put on anywhere from three to seventeen different outfits before she decided on the one that she is wearing right now. If she decides that she looks decent enough in the clothes that she has on to go out in public wearing them and you make any comments about how she looks other than to tell her she looks great can do a number on her self-esteem that you will end up paying for all night.
That woman is gorgeous!
I don’t know what in a man’s mind makes him think that talking about another beautiful woman to your woman is ever a good idea. Instantly, upon hearing that, your wife starts thinking back to the last time that you complimented her which better be immediately after complimenting a stranger. It also starts her brain thinking about your liking that part of that woman’s body better than you like hers. In case you didn’t already know, it is better to not ever say anything complimentary about another woman in front of your wife. Of course, I know that there are some relationships that can stand behavior like this, but it is still a good practice to ensure that you compliment your wife MUCH more than you compliment strangers. Paying more attention to a stranger, or even worse, someone that you know can really begin to drive a wedge of insecurity between the two of you in your relationship. It’s the same as your wife constantly talking about how hot a male movie star is and how much she would prefer to be with someone like that. If you would like to ever spend any private, quality time with your wife again, you should refrain from commenting other women or you should say something like “That woman is gorgeous, but she has absolutely nothing compared to your beautiful face and amazing figure.”
You remind me of your mom.
Great. So your wife reminds you of a woman that usually you say that you have a problem with. And she reminds you of a woman who is, at least, 20 years older than she is and that I see as not even remotely like me, as far as looks. I love my mother to death, and I think that she will always be beautiful, but I definitely don’t remind myself on a day to day basis of my mother. Most younger women, on a good day, think that they are beautiful, youthful looking, sexual creatures and to suddenly have your husband tell you that you remind him of a woman who is older, and who you remember taking care of you when you are sick and making you dinners. Not appealing. Also, when you say this, it is normally said with a negative connotation anyway usually when you are fighting. You might say it but you don’t realize that you are also implying that your wife looks old, motherly and not sexual in any way, shape, or form. If you are trying to say this to be complimentary, you should definitely rethink and use other words. If you are trying to use this as a dig, then you get used to sleeping alone.
I could honestly go on and on. There are at least one thousand different things that my husband has said to me over the four years that we have been married that I could include here. I usually don’t hear things like this from my mother about my father any longer, so either a man gets smarter over the years or the women just learn how to deal with it. I am certainly not implying that every woman is a frail flower and that her psyche can’t handle being talked to in a negative manner by her husband, because that is definitely not the case. I am merely suggesting that for a more harmonious home life, you should heed these warnings and just stop and think about how your comment is going to affect your wife and how much that is going to affect her relationship with you in the future.
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