An open letter to weirdos

Dear strange people,

Hey you!  Yes, you.  The creepy guy who just approached me in the Target parking lot and asked how we were enjoying the weather.  And you - the old lady who just put your finger in my child's mouth in Walmart.  And finally you - the insane waitress at Red Hot and Blue who took my child's photo to show her boyfriend what she wanted her kids to look like.  Yes, all of you.  This is a letter to you. 

I know my children are 100% adorable.  They are (mostly) well behaved in public places.  My daughter eats with utensils like a pro, uses a napkin, says please, thank you and excuse me when appropriate and says bye to people leaving by our table.  She can walk in stores without being a pest and can be calmed down with any distraction.  My son is a shameless flirt with anyone and everyone with a heartbeat who will show him any bit of attention.  He is a good eater, even in public and can be quieted down with a pacifier. 

I say all of that to let you know that just because they don't throw constant tantrums, are cute, and look in your direction doesn't mean that you should be a complete and total weirdo.  Based on your recent behavior, it has become obviously apparent to me that I need to address some 'to do's' and 'don'ts' when it comes to your behavior and other people's children.  (None of this applies to your own children.  Feel free to act totally like a weirdo around them.) 

To Do:

1. Do ASK before getting anywhere near my children.  I never really understood this before having children but since my kids were born I now understand the 'momma bear' mentality and I do not want strangers near my children or near me when I have my children.  I don't want you approaching us when I am getting them into or out of the car for any reason.  I don't want you to distract me for any reason while I am alone with my children because even though you might be totally innocent, in my head I am replaying all the news stories that I have heard recently about children being kidnapped or trying to memorize your facial features while you talk to be able to describe you to police later.  Also, especially during the cold and flu season, I don't want you or your gross germs in my family's air space.  Back up.  I was never a person who spoke to strangers before I was married and had kids and certainly am not willing to start that now.   
2. Do act like a goof.  I don't care if you smile, wave, make a dumb face, tell a story, dance like a monkey, whatever you want to do to entertain my child or get them to look at you, so long as it's from a distance.  My son will put on a show and do every 'trick' that he knows in the book to get attention from strangers and I appreciate the older people who indulge him in restaurants and in stores.  Even tonight, he waved at other patrons, servers and the cleaning crew at the restaurant like he was an air traffic controller bringing down a plane.  He has a good time and you can have a good time without me feeling uncomfortable.       
3. Do understand that sometimes kids don't want attention and that's OK.  Sometimes my kids are in what I call the "stranger danger zone" and they don't want you to talk to them or try to get their attention.  If that is the case, please don't try to convince them otherwise.  Just accept like kids aren't going to be "on" 24 hours a day.  They just wake up from naps... their favorite cartoon wasn't on TV today... they didn't get to watch the movie that they wanted to in the car.  You continuing the try to engage them is tiring for them and for me.  Please don't force them to try to interact with you.  That just makes my life suck for the next ten minutes trying to get them to calm down and not be freaked out that you are going to come by and try to talk to them again. 

Don't:

1. Don't ever touch my child... ever.  I swear, when my children were infants, anytime I took my them out people felt the need to touch them.  It didn't matter if we were in the grocery store, restaurants, public bathrooms, etc. there was always someone trying to touch them.  I finally started wearing my daughter in a Moby wrap after an elderly woman put her fingers in my daughter's mouth for her to use a chew toy.  I never thought about touching anyone else's children so I never understood this.  Whatever germs you have are now transferred to my child and I would prefer that to not happen again in the future.  I should have had one of those signs about not touching my kid on their stroller.  This is a cute one from http://happysignsurprise.com     
2. Don't be afraid to look at them but don't be creepy.  I like when people compliment my children.  They like when you compliment them.  I was fine with you walking by like 19 extra times since you were our server and I need extra things since I have two small children.  But when you came up to us and asked if you could take a picture of our child because you wanted your boyfriend to see what you wanted your children to look like.. that was a bit strange. 
3. This should go without saying, but don't be gross.  Don't try to get anything off of my child with your spit.  Don't try to stick your fingers in my child's mouth so they can use them as a chew toy.  Don't offer to share your food and drink with my child because they won't know any better.  

In closing, please just use your brain around any children that aren't yours. 

Sincerely,

me and any other parent

- by the way -
this is based on actual events over the last two years 

Resolution #1: Have more patience today than I did yesterday

Patience can be defined, after a simple Google search as, "The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset."  It sounds simple, right?  But it's not.  At least not for me.  I am, by my nature, not the *most* impatient person in the world... however that person would look at me sometimes and go "Damn, can she just chill?" 

I have read books on how to be more patient.  I know my triggers.  And yet, I have been unable to change in previous years.  Before kids and marriage, I never really cared that I wasn't patient.  Part of that impatience is useful at my job because I can accomplish tasks faster and since a lot of my job doesn't rely on actions of others than it isn't necessary to show my most patient self.  At home, my dogs didn't care that I wasn't the most patient of people... they loved me anyways.  Now, since getting married and especially since having kids, I feel like it is more important than ever for me to have more patience.  My husband deserves for me to be chill and not be so upset when things don't exactly go my way immediately.  My kids deserve for me to let them play as loud as they want or do something wrong multiple times before figuring out the best way to accomplish a task.  I owe that to them. 

I understand that this resolution is probably considered cheating since there is really no measurable goal.  There is no way to qualify or quantify the results that I will get from this resolution.  Strike that... my happiness, my children's happiness, and my husband's happiness will be the proof that this resolution is in the process of being accomplished.  But it will be a work in progress.  It IS a work in progress. 

So how will I work through this resolution?  Some people would suggest deep breathing... some would suggest counting to 10.  I have a different idea... During my preparation for my two labors, I learned from multiple sources the importance of using affirmations and belief suggestions to remind your brain that you could accomplish a certain task (delivering a healthy baby as naturally as possible in that case.)  I will utilize that same philosophy here.  I wasn't sure of what I was going to use until I was typing this post.  As I have been writing "slow to anger" has continually popped up into my head.  I will take this as a hint from God that I should use that.  I will use that belief suggestion to remind myself of this resolution anytime that I feel myself getting out of control. 

I am using this as a note and a reminder to follow up in March with how these resolutions are going.  Until then wish me luck that a more patient me emerges starting today.