My kids are turning me into a mental patient

Today has been a hard day and I just need to vent. 

After having my first child, I came to the conclusion that I am not the ideal parent for a newborn.  The lack of sleep, the inability to communicate, the feeling like you are going to break something on them when you hold them because they are so tiny, all turn me into this anxious, emotional wreck that is less than ideal.  I had this general idea when I was still pregnant that I was going to have instant amazing relationships with my newborns and that they would sleep forever and I would have plenty of time to enjoy my time off with my children. 

Contrary to that my children didn't sleep as newborns.  Isabella didn't really nap a lot and probably only slept 10 hours per day total and most of those were, luckily, at night when she was sleeping in our bed.  Until he fell out of my parent's camper (separate story), Silas slept a total of about 7-8 hours per day.  He didn't really nap for very long and he was awake 4-5 times every night. 

And a little gem that wasn't fully disclosed before I had kids: newborns cry a lot.  Those women who say their newborn doesn't cry a lot are either extremely lucky or lying.  My vote is for the later.  This is a topic for a later post but I want to say it now and get it out of the way - when you become a parent, you develop this organic need to brag about your children all the time.  Your average baby suddenly becomes a baby genius because she looked at an elephant when you said gray.  So don't be surprised when you run into that.  Back on topic...

As much as I am not the ideal newborn mother, I absolutely LOVE the age once your children start showing their personalities.  Once they develop out of that "I am a crying sloth" stage and can move, communicate with you, move their limbs with purpose, etc - that's where the real fun begins.  My love and my excitement to see my children learn new things and explore the world grows every day.  My recent days within the past few months have been amazing and ridiculously enjoyable now that both are walking and interacting with each other.   

However, the last two days my children are trying to turn me into a mental patient.  Isabella is 29 months old and Silas is 14 months old.  Both are walking.  Silas says about 8 words and Isabella says about 2,000 including sentences and phrases.  She spends 99.9% of the time that she is awake talking.  I love this though because she learns so much every day.  You can tell from day to day that she is learning. 

Since Isabella is in that '2 year old' age range, she is headstrong, stubborn, and very smart.  Headstrong and stubborn are key words that any person who has ever had a two year old should recognize as 'terrible twos'.  She doesn't listen, she pushes Silas down, and she is having more tantrum than I thought possible.  This has been going on for awhile but has really just come to a head over the last few days and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. 

Silas has long been a difficult child.  He screams at the top of his lungs and cries at the drop of a hat.  He has thrown tantrums since he was about a month old if he doesn't get everything that he wants.  He is the polar opposite of Isabella as far as behavior - he pinches, he shoves, he snatches things that he wants.  He is also super headstrong - where are they getting this from?  I'm voting Corry.   

I hate to complain like this because she will have a few off days and then she will be fantastic for like a week and you wonder where this angel child came from.  And even on days like today when she is absolutely being crazy she is still amazing and fun and incredibly intelligent.   I learn so much from my children each and every day.  I love being able to see the world from a child's eyes.  They are so amused by simple things that adults take for granted.  I love them more than life itself and I wouldn't trade who they are for the world. 

Now it's time for bed to hopefully prep for a better day.  I'm getting my hair done tomorrow for the first time since I was pregnant with Isabella, I think, so that's something to look forward to even if they still act like crazies. 

-Sara  

An open letter to weirdos

Dear strange people,

Hey you!  Yes, you.  The creepy guy who just approached me in the Target parking lot and asked how we were enjoying the weather.  And you - the old lady who just put your finger in my child's mouth in Walmart.  And finally you - the insane waitress at Red Hot and Blue who took my child's photo to show her boyfriend what she wanted her kids to look like.  Yes, all of you.  This is a letter to you. 

I know my children are 100% adorable.  They are (mostly) well behaved in public places.  My daughter eats with utensils like a pro, uses a napkin, says please, thank you and excuse me when appropriate and says bye to people leaving by our table.  She can walk in stores without being a pest and can be calmed down with any distraction.  My son is a shameless flirt with anyone and everyone with a heartbeat who will show him any bit of attention.  He is a good eater, even in public and can be quieted down with a pacifier. 

I say all of that to let you know that just because they don't throw constant tantrums, are cute, and look in your direction doesn't mean that you should be a complete and total weirdo.  Based on your recent behavior, it has become obviously apparent to me that I need to address some 'to do's' and 'don'ts' when it comes to your behavior and other people's children.  (None of this applies to your own children.  Feel free to act totally like a weirdo around them.) 

To Do:

1. Do ASK before getting anywhere near my children.  I never really understood this before having children but since my kids were born I now understand the 'momma bear' mentality and I do not want strangers near my children or near me when I have my children.  I don't want you approaching us when I am getting them into or out of the car for any reason.  I don't want you to distract me for any reason while I am alone with my children because even though you might be totally innocent, in my head I am replaying all the news stories that I have heard recently about children being kidnapped or trying to memorize your facial features while you talk to be able to describe you to police later.  Also, especially during the cold and flu season, I don't want you or your gross germs in my family's air space.  Back up.  I was never a person who spoke to strangers before I was married and had kids and certainly am not willing to start that now.   
2. Do act like a goof.  I don't care if you smile, wave, make a dumb face, tell a story, dance like a monkey, whatever you want to do to entertain my child or get them to look at you, so long as it's from a distance.  My son will put on a show and do every 'trick' that he knows in the book to get attention from strangers and I appreciate the older people who indulge him in restaurants and in stores.  Even tonight, he waved at other patrons, servers and the cleaning crew at the restaurant like he was an air traffic controller bringing down a plane.  He has a good time and you can have a good time without me feeling uncomfortable.       
3. Do understand that sometimes kids don't want attention and that's OK.  Sometimes my kids are in what I call the "stranger danger zone" and they don't want you to talk to them or try to get their attention.  If that is the case, please don't try to convince them otherwise.  Just accept like kids aren't going to be "on" 24 hours a day.  They just wake up from naps... their favorite cartoon wasn't on TV today... they didn't get to watch the movie that they wanted to in the car.  You continuing the try to engage them is tiring for them and for me.  Please don't force them to try to interact with you.  That just makes my life suck for the next ten minutes trying to get them to calm down and not be freaked out that you are going to come by and try to talk to them again. 

Don't:

1. Don't ever touch my child... ever.  I swear, when my children were infants, anytime I took my them out people felt the need to touch them.  It didn't matter if we were in the grocery store, restaurants, public bathrooms, etc. there was always someone trying to touch them.  I finally started wearing my daughter in a Moby wrap after an elderly woman put her fingers in my daughter's mouth for her to use a chew toy.  I never thought about touching anyone else's children so I never understood this.  Whatever germs you have are now transferred to my child and I would prefer that to not happen again in the future.  I should have had one of those signs about not touching my kid on their stroller.  This is a cute one from http://happysignsurprise.com     
2. Don't be afraid to look at them but don't be creepy.  I like when people compliment my children.  They like when you compliment them.  I was fine with you walking by like 19 extra times since you were our server and I need extra things since I have two small children.  But when you came up to us and asked if you could take a picture of our child because you wanted your boyfriend to see what you wanted your children to look like.. that was a bit strange. 
3. This should go without saying, but don't be gross.  Don't try to get anything off of my child with your spit.  Don't try to stick your fingers in my child's mouth so they can use them as a chew toy.  Don't offer to share your food and drink with my child because they won't know any better.  

In closing, please just use your brain around any children that aren't yours. 

Sincerely,

me and any other parent

- by the way -
this is based on actual events over the last two years 

Our cloth diaper journey: Our Beginning

One interesting tidbit of information about our family: we cloth diaper...one of our children. 

In early 2010, we found out that we were pregnant with our daughter, Isabella.  Corry and I had spoken before we got pregnant about how we would be interested in cloth diapering our children.  He had been interested in it when his older kids were babies but had never convinced his previous wife to go along with it.  I was game so off we went into the black hole of the Internet.

Got a spare 19,000 hours? Try googling cloth diapers.  It is straight up the most overwhelming thing that I have ever researched online.  What is a Fuzzi Bunz?  Who or what makes a Snappi?  Do you still need plastic pants over the diapers?  Am I going to stab my daughter with one of those over sized safety pins?  Warning: brain overload approaching... 

Lucky for us and millions of other parents, these are not the diaper's from your grandmother's day.  Cloth diapering has changed a lot in the last 20 years and is now working it's way into mainstream culture.  Gone are the days of the only options being the folded Gerber diapers with HUGE safety pins.  Let me stop and say that those pins being called *safe*ty pins is comical because I have used them before and stabbed myself with one.  Unsafety pins is definitely more like it.   

Now you have SO many more options.  Snaps, Velcro, AIO, AI2, fitted, prefolds, microfiber, bamboo... I could look at sites for about an hour at a time before I felt like I had just taken the SATs -my brain hurt so bad!  Every time I would google I would see different sites and different information.  Some people use different terminology for what I felt was the same item... and there was seriously an entire new language to learn.  What about wool?  What is an insert?  Do I need doublers?  How will I know if my child will be a heavy wetter?  I have never had so many questions in my entire life about anything...

This is when I started really watching 'mom vlogs' online.  I searched on YouTube for cloth diapers and was taken instantly to videos of women explaining the differences and similarities of different brands, types and styles.  They talked endlessly about the colors that they liked, brands that they hated, wash routines, and general information about diapers.  It was like getting information from your friends but about something useful and not what the neighbor was wearing yesterday while mowing his lawn.  Eureka!  This was perfect! We were finally starting to make some headway in our research of what we liked and what we felt would work best for our family.  Until we started talking to people about it...

My mom was skittishly on board.  My father actually asked if we were the only people in the world that were going to be using cloth diapers.  The rest of my family rolled their eyes and probably talked negatively about it behind our backs I'm sure, but seemed supportive to our faces.  My friends were less than helpful and some were downright disgusted.   I was sad because this was something that I actually was excited about.  I hate when people can't just be fake excited for you.  We didn't let it get us down though and we stayed the course...

Next: researching different types of diapers

Newborn baby musings

What is it about baby cries that are contagious? It's like a signal to all other babies within earshot to simultaneously freak out for no reason. My sister's 10 week old and my 7 week old are currently active participants in this vicious cycle of contagious crying. I love my children and my niece, I mean love them like I never even thought possible but endless crying during the day on both of their parts makes me want to smoke a cigarette.

Apparently the "newborns sleep a lot" thing is genetic and both of my kids have not had it. My son sleeps in 20 minute intervals throughout the night and that's only if swaddled up so tight he can't move, and does most of his sleeping during the day when my daughter is awake. How fun. Thank the Lord for my mother for coming over to help with them.

However, while running on no sleep, having not showered since Lord only knows when, and having not changed my contacts in a week my kids can do one cute thing and it makes everything all good again. My son likes to be awake around 3 am and spends almost 15 minutes smiling and laughing at something while I am holding him. I wouldn't miss those moments for anything. And as much as I gripe about no sleep, I love that he nurses to sleep and actually needs me and only me most of the day.

All in all, newborns are a good thing.