Today has been a hard day and I just need to vent.
After having my first child, I came to the conclusion that I am not the ideal parent for a newborn. The lack of sleep, the inability to communicate, the feeling like you are going to break something on them when you hold them because they are so tiny, all turn me into this anxious, emotional wreck that is less than ideal. I had this general idea when I was still pregnant that I was going to have instant amazing relationships with my newborns and that they would sleep forever and I would have plenty of time to enjoy my time off with my children.
Contrary to that my children didn't sleep as newborns. Isabella didn't really nap a lot and probably only slept 10 hours per day total and most of those were, luckily, at night when she was sleeping in our bed. Until he fell out of my parent's camper (separate story), Silas slept a total of about 7-8 hours per day. He didn't really nap for very long and he was awake 4-5 times every night.
And a little gem that wasn't fully disclosed before I had kids: newborns cry a lot. Those women who say their newborn doesn't cry a lot are either extremely lucky or lying. My vote is for the later. This is a topic for a later post but I want to say it now and get it out of the way - when you become a parent, you develop this organic need to brag about your children all the time. Your average baby suddenly becomes a baby genius because she looked at an elephant when you said gray. So don't be surprised when you run into that. Back on topic...
As much as I am not the ideal newborn mother, I absolutely LOVE the age once your children start showing their personalities. Once they develop out of that "I am a crying sloth" stage and can move, communicate with you, move their limbs with purpose, etc - that's where the real fun begins. My love and my excitement to see my children learn new things and explore the world grows every day. My recent days within the past few months have been amazing and ridiculously enjoyable now that both are walking and interacting with each other.
However, the last two days my children are trying to turn me into a mental patient. Isabella is 29 months old and Silas is 14 months old. Both are walking. Silas says about 8 words and Isabella says about 2,000 including sentences and phrases. She spends 99.9% of the time that she is awake talking. I love this though because she learns so much every day. You can tell from day to day that she is learning.
Since Isabella is in that '2 year old' age range, she is headstrong, stubborn, and very smart. Headstrong and stubborn are key words that any person who has ever had a two year old should recognize as 'terrible twos'. She doesn't listen, she pushes Silas down, and she is having more tantrum than I thought possible. This has been going on for awhile but has really just come to a head over the last few days and it makes me feel like I'm going insane.
Silas has long been a difficult child. He screams at the top of his lungs and cries at the drop of a hat. He has thrown tantrums since he was about a month old if he doesn't get everything that he wants. He is the polar opposite of Isabella as far as behavior - he pinches, he shoves, he snatches things that he wants. He is also super headstrong - where are they getting this from? I'm voting Corry.
I hate to complain like this because she will have a few off days and then she will be fantastic for like a week and you wonder where this angel child came from. And even on days like today when she is absolutely being crazy she is still amazing and fun and incredibly intelligent. I learn so much from my children each and every day. I love being able to see the world from a child's eyes. They are so amused by simple things that adults take for granted. I love them more than life itself and I wouldn't trade who they are for the world.
Now it's time for bed to hopefully prep for a better day. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow for the first time since I was pregnant with Isabella, I think, so that's something to look forward to even if they still act like crazies.
-Sara
No comments:
Post a Comment