Change

Change.  We, as humans, are all in a constant state of change.  Well, not all of us... but anyone who is not 'stuck in a rut' can admit that something about us is always changing, even if it is just the brand of shampoo that we wear or the color of the shirt that we put on in the morning.  Some changes are larger and more important than others.  Often, whether we know it or not at the time, some of the changes that we make affect us for the remainder of our lives.     

Our family is going through some major life changes over the next few months.  I will definitely share more when I can but just know that we are all fine and this is definitely nothing horrible. 

In all of this change going on with our family, it has caused me to evaluate my relationship(s) with my children.  Before I had children, I wondered how a person could love someone the way that people always talked about loving their children.  When I met my husband's kids from a previous marriage, I loved them and, of course, I never wanted anything bad to happen to them.  It was a different kind of love than I expected it to be, but it was real and true.  Unfortunately, as anyone can attest who has step-parents or step-children, that transition is always hard and bumpy in the beginning.  Well, and in the middle, and in the end. 

When I was pregnant with Isabella, I worried that I would love my biological children more than my other kids.  When she was born, I realized that was not true.  It was a different love.  It wasn't more, or less, or even the same.  It was different and that different was all right.  Silas being born reinforced that you don't love all your children the same.  I love all of my children differently and that is ok and expected.  Each one of the four of them is special in their own way, irreplaceable and each one of them has a special piece of my heart.   

I am certainly not advocating that you play favorites between your children or that you would choose one child over the others in any situation ever.   I had a person explain it to me like this in the past:  your love for your children isn't a percentage out of one bucket.  All the love for your children isn't shared; it increases with the addition of each one.  And I feel like this is totally true.

So, the re-evaluation... I am resolving to be nicer.  I am not proud of it but there are days when I yell.  There are days when I tell my children to sit down because they are wanting to tell me something for the 85th time.  There are days when I want my children to nap at the same time so I can have five minutes to myself to listen to the silence.  I don't want there to be a day that goes by that any of my children think that I don't love them or care about them with all of my heart. 

I want to listen when they talk.  No matter how much they talk or how often they talk.  I want to be fully present in the moment with them watching them learn, grow and thrive.  I am super excited to see my eldest daughter start high school (what?!) and youngest son learn to talk this year.

This was not one of my resolutions for this year but it has suddenly become one of the most important things in my life.  I will keep you all updated on our progress through our change and also on our happiness as a family for this year.  Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts for us.   

A marriage reminder from an unlikely source

I don't plan to do this very often because I don't want to talk bad (publicly) about my husband's ex-wife but today I honestly couldn't help myself.  I am sure that at some point I will forget this rule but I would like to not talk about my husband's past life as a husband to someone else.  It should be pretty easy to do since we don't regularly communicate with her except about the children, however today was one of those random days when something so funny happens that you just can't help but talk about it.   

Today she shared the following picture on her Facebook wall:

 



This is instantly humorous to anyone who knows her because if you have ever met her and spent about 15 seconds with her you know that she is incapable of not violating all of these "rules" in any relationship.  She cheated on my husband for years before they were divorced and has cheated on almost every man that she has been with since they split up.  In fact, she is currently living with a guy while she is still married to another man.  Classy. 

As funny as this activity was today it did remind me that these "rules" are important and should be the groundwork to any good relationship.  Two of the five should be "duh" rules: stay faithful and don't flirt with others.  If you can't or don't want to follow these two rules then you have no business being married, at least in my opinion.  The others, I will be honest, require some work.  Not that I don't want to make my husband feel loved and wanted but I will admit that some days definitely require work.  Not because my husband is hard to love or difficult, but because I have a full time job and two small children and often times our marriage takes a backseat to all of that.  I don't want it to be like that but it's the one thing that I don't have to constantly babysit to make work, so often times I forget that it takes love and nurturing as well. 

Part of my resolutions for this year is definitely to rekindle #5.  We have talked a few times before about wanting to go on more dates with each other without kids.  One of the things that you don't think about when you have kids is that you will never eat normally until your children are about five years old, possibly later than that.  Once they can eat food(s) you have to spend the time ahead of time thinking about what they are going to eat related to what you are going to eat, or you have to think about what from an eating establishment that they are going to be able to eat.  Then you have to either feed it to them or figure out how to get it in a form that they can eat once it comes to the table; after you figure out how to re-arrange all of the nonsense from the table to where it isn't in any arms reach of either one of your children.  Why do servers insist on putting stuff in front of babies?  Ridiculous... Anyway, after enough days of that you realize that you need a break from that to just be a couple.  I am striving to do more of that this month. 

I say all of that to say that I love my husband.  I love him more than I ever thought that I could love someone in a relationship.  He is the love of my life and the father of my children and I will never love another person quite like him ever in my life. 

-Sara